Periodically, Rudy has some misbehavior binges. One of those binges is happening this week. He’s been on and off the counter trying to steal things, in and out of the sink, he’s attacked the roll of paper towels three times, and he’s just generally being a nuisance. I’m not complaining. It’s how I know he’s happy and healthy. A happy, healthy little turd.
Last night, everyone ate their third dinner and we all went upstairs for the ceremonial hiding of the cat treats. It’s like an Easter egg hunt every goddamn night. They found all the treats and I left the door open for a few minutes while I finished up something for work or looked at some bullshit on my phone.
A minute later, I hear a noise downstairs, so I go investigate. Rudy was evidently upset that he only got fed five times and just ate 5 or 6 treats, so he destroyed my roll of paper towels in the kitchen. The same roll that he tried to destroy hours earlier, but I hid it in the oven. I thought it was safe to put it back on the counter overnight.
Nope.
So I rescued what was left of the roll and hid it in the cabinet while he watched me. I heard another noise, but this time it came from upstairs. I head back upstairs to investigate. There’s Rosie, with an insect glue trap stuck to her right paw. Again. That trap has been in the bedroom since October, wedged in a corner. It’s open on either end, but the sticky part isn’t very exposed, so after the first time she got herself stuck, I put it back.
My bad.
There was crying and drama, but I eventually got the trap unstuck, dabbed a little vegetable oil on her paw to help remove the tiny bit of glue, lured man-cat back upstairs and shut the door. Finally. I can go to bed.
Almost.
Rudy found the tiny cup that held the single drop of vegetable oil and was trying to knock it off the nightstand by sticking his whole head inside. It was such an exhausting day and all I wanted to do was go to sleep, but these little assholes made sure I couldn’t without hosting a giant party first.
A little earlier in the day, I had a conversation with a friend who told me how badly he wanted a cat. I told him he’s better off just borrowing or leasing cats from friends and neighbors. Leave cat ownership to the suckers who didn’t know any better before opening their home to a world of chaos. Cat rental. Or a cat library.